Getting ready for a private yoga session! I love what I do! 📿💜#yogi #yoga #yogini #yogamiami #yogajourney #miami #miamilife #miamiyoga #meditation #meditationmiami #wellness #wellnesswednesday #spiritualhealingmiami #spiritualhealingcentermiami #spiritualhealing #spiritualmiami #yogateacher #yogaeverydamnday #yogainspiration #yogadaily #yogisofinstagram #om #namaste
A few months back, Dr. Peta Stapleton from Bond University in Australia told me about a clinical trial she was running that was fascinating…
In a nutshell, she was planning on putting subjects in a Functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging (fMRI) machine, show them pictures of food to see how their brain would “light” up, have them do Tapping for 4 weeks, and then put them back in the machine to see what had changed.
Honestly… I had my doubts! Lol!
Not because I don’t believe in the stupendous power of Tapping, and not because I haven’t seen stunning results around the topics of cravings, over-eating, or weight loss… I just didn’t know if all of that would show up on the machine itself.
And I was very, very, very pleasantly surprised with the results.
Watch this 1 minute 9 second video from Channel 9 News in the Gold Coast to find out what happened:
And if you’re excited by what this research shows, and what it might mean for YOU, don’t miss Jessica’s fourth and final video in her series on the topic of Weight Loss and Body Confidence.
This one is all about what you can do today to finally achieve major results when it comes to your body. It ties the first 3 videos together and lays out a road-map to creating success through Tapping.
Go here to see it now…
If this particular topic isn’t a challenge for you, I still think it’s important to let that study sink in: Tapping is changing the brain and the images are proving it!
So whatever your life challenges are today, know that you can change your brain, and thus your life, with Tapping.
Fun times ahead!
Until next time…
Keep Tapping!
Nick Ortner
The post Breaking News in Tapping Research! appeared first on The Tapping Solution.
Stellerite crystals bring emotional healing Help you deal with outbursts of anger and discover why it happens. A strong stone to aid change, that helps you connect with the highest angels.
Join me this month for these two amazing womb wellness workshops. Yoni egg and yoni steam workshops. Did you know yoni eggs can aid in heightening your sexual experience and yoni steams aid in releasing/cleansing mind body and spirit. Contact me for more info! #wombwellnesswednesday #wombwellnesscentermiami #wombwellnessmiami #wombwellness #moonmother #moonmothermiami #priestess #purplelotusspiritualhealing #periodpositive #miami #miamilife #lifestylemiami #shakti #divinefeminine #divinefemininemiami #divinefeminineenergy #divinefemininerising #sacredfeminine #sacralchakra #femaleawakening #spiritual #spirituality #spiritualmiami #spiritualhealer #spiritualawakening #spiritualhealingmiami #spiritualhealingcentermiami #spiritualhealing #om #namaste
We were so excited to make signs that morning at Grandpa Paul's house in Brooklyn.
His was really clever.
"More Braniacs, less Maniacs"
My husband, daughter and I had just arrived from our home in southern New Hampshire. We were headed out to the People's Science March on Earth Day in Manhattan. The mission of the march as I understood it, was to bring forth the importance of science, as many feel that it is being ignored with rash political comments and new Federal government policies being introduced.
Given that the march took place on Earth Day, I felt especially called to bring awareness to global climate change, a scientific phenomena that is and will continue to have a huge impact on our quality of life. I actually had been wanting to do something for Earth Day for months, and it felt perfect that we could have the opportunity to march.
My sign was, "Our health = the Earth's health."
My daughter had created her own sign that she strapped to her back that read, "Plant more trees."
As we walked down the street towards the gathering crowd, I felt elated that my daughter could experience her first march. Many people gave her approving nods as they read her sign, and things were looking up, for my plans of our family becoming a marching family. But then, just as the rain started to fall, the amount of people and noise increased, in a sort of beautiful Manhattan kind of way. Finally we were in a moving river of people, squished in the middle, with no view for an eight year old, except a bunch of adult legs.
Given that my daughter is not really into large crowds and noise, she looked at me doubtfully, as if to say, "Do we really have to do this Mom?"
I tried to distract her with the ladies who were singing just ahead of us. One lady had a flute, another had a tambourine, and about a dozen ladies marched arm in arm, as our official chorus leaders for the day. We belted out "This land is your land this land is my land," and I cried realizing how important this song is for our country right now. After a few songs we moved on and tried to spot as many signs as possible with the word "poop" on them; we found two in relationship to science.
As you may have guessed, we didn't really stay in the march much longer, and I can't say that we will be returning to another march as a family any time soon. But that is not where my story ends.
The next day, my husband, daughter and I went out for a little stroll through a cute Brooklyn neighborhood. I saw a toy store and decided to go in, thinking we could find something.
To my horror, everything in the store was made out of plastic. As a family, we have had many discussions over dinner about plastic and how terrible it is for the earth. My daughter quickly found two things that she could absolutely not live without; packaged up little pieces of plastic, screaming garbage and waste to me through all the pink and glitter.
I took a deep breath, and my husband said, "Honey, remember, we don't really want to get a ton of plastic things. They aren't good for the earth."
And as my daughter held her box of chalk hair color tool kit in her right hand, she looked down, and saw all the plastic involved in this little piece of joy for her. She put the kit down with a big frown. There was no hiding her disappointment. However within minutes, she was skipping and singing down the street after we left the store.
So, while I can't say that we have a marching family, I can say that we celebrated Earth Day, the day after the official April 22nd, in the most real way possible.
Yesterday my daughter asked me, "Are you going to leave us a clean planet, or is it going to be wrecked?"
I replied, "Honey, I will do everything possible to leave you a clean planet!"
So, I invite you, parents, everyone, please join me, and let's make every day Earth Day.
#goddess #goddessenergy #moonmother #moonmothermiami #priestess #priestessmiami #spiritualhealingcentermiami #spiritualhealingmiami #spiritualawakening #divinefeminine #divinefemininemiami #divinefemininerising #divinefeminineenergy #shakti #sacredfeminine #spiritual #spiritualawakening #spiritualhealer #spiritualgrowth #lightworker #lifestylemiami #miami #miamilife #om #namaste
Disabled writer and actor Thom Jackson-Wood, who has ME, talks to Disability Horizons about his films, Awaken and The Black Box, both of which are about disability. Written after frustrations at disabled people being misrepresented on TV, he hopes the films will raise awareness of different disabilities, and ME in particular.
Note: Click the link above to read the full article. We’ve reproduced some highlights from the 25th May interview, below.
What is ME and what are some of the issues that you deal with on a daily basis?
Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (sometimes called Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and known for short as ME), is somewhat difficult to explain. Action for ME defines it is a long-term (or chronic), fluctuating neurological condition that causes chronic fatigue and pain.
Imagine being tired all the time, unable to shake it off with a long sleep, and being in pain, even when you don’t do any physical activity.
Additional symptoms can include lapses in mental processing (commonly known as ‘brain fog’), extreme sensitivity to light and sound, gastrointestinal issues (with your stomach and intestines), incontinence, partial paralysis and social anxiety.
However, this is not a complete list. Generally, the more severely you are affected, the more likely it is that you will have to deal with additional symptoms. Everyone with ME has different levels of severity, and it can often target certain areas of the body.
In my own case, I would say I am moderately affected. I am able to lead a relatively active life – I can work part-time as an actor and writer. Being able to work from home where I can rest when necessary makes a big difference.
However, as I have serious chronic pain in both legs, I find walking very difficult and therefore use a manual wheelchair, a mobility scooter or crutches to get around. ME has also messed up my bladder control, so I wear incontinence pads all the time. As such, while my ME has only moderately affected my fatigue, I am more severely affected by additional symptoms.
What are your thoughts on how people perceive ME?
ME is also often referred to as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS). While I understand why people may want to call it that, CFS is only part of the puzzle that is ME. While the two conditions are related, they are not the same. Think of ME as the bigger, nastier brother of CFS and you’re getting there. As I’ve found from my own experiences, chronic fatigue is not the only issue I deal with, and many of my other ME symptoms affect me worse.
What made you decide to make films about your condition or disabilities in general?
I began writing screenplays when I got sick with ME, mainly as a creative outlet. It was also a coping mechanism and a way to try and make something positive out what was a mostly negative situation.
I then began writing about disability in general because there was so little material out there that I could relate to. In addition, what did exist wasn’t very original and it relied too much on non-disabled people’s perceptions, or misperceptions, of disability. So, rather than moan about the lack of representation of disabled people, I thought I would do something about it myself and write it.
I feel that I have only just begun to scratch the surface of stories about disability, and how to bring them to life on screen. I want to create something fresh and exciting that does not hinge on clichéd stereotypes of disabled people. I feel I am well-placed to do so from my own experiences.
You’ve said that both Awaken and The Black Box aren’t necessarily documentaries, they’re stories. Without giving too much away, what kind of stories are you trying to tell?
The best way to describe Awaken and The Black Box is to say that they’re fictional films that are inspired by true events, so a docufiction style. I could have told the stories of Awaken and The Black Box in a documentary style, but they would have looked a lot like telethon appeals, which I was keen to avoid. Rather than present my condition as a series of facts, I wanted to use it to tell a story. So they essentially use fiction to tell the truth.
In addition, both of the films are about elements of my life that have been reworked into an abstract setting in order to make ME better understood by people. In Awaken, you see a man trying to achieve his dreams, but he is held back by a number of issues, including ME, an autistic spectrum disorder and benefit cuts. In The Black
In The Black Box the main character is a writer who has been unable to finish a story because of his ME. This creates tension between the man’s muse, who wants him to finish a project, and his ME, which continues to slow him down.
The films are both set within an actual black box. What was the reasoning behind this?
I felt that keeping everything contained in a single space would visually represent the extreme isolation you can feel when you have ME. It’s also because of the black box theory of computing, science and technology – where you see what goes in and what comes out, but you have no knowledge of its internal workings. This highlights how much we still don’t know about ME.
A final, personal reason was inspired by flight data recorders on aeroplanes and trains, which are commonly known as black boxes. In ME and chronic illness circles, if your symptoms worsen suddenly, this is commonly known as a ‘crash.’ The theory behind this was that if my energy levels ‘crashed’ these films would serve as data recorders of my life – in other words, Awaken and The Black Box would become my own black box recorder.
Join me next Wednesday for my monthly. This months topic is our intuition and we will be doing a water blessing ritual! Contact me for more info! #wombwellnesscentermiami #wombwellness #wombblessing #wombhealing #wombblessingmiami #moonmother #moonmothermiami #purplelotusspiritualhealing #priestess #intuition #waterblessing #waterritual #watergoddess #goddess #goddessenergy #divinefeminine #divinefemininemiami #divinefeminineenergy #divinefemininerising #femaleawakening #sacredfeminine #spiritual #spirituality #spiritualmiami #spiritualhealer #spiritualawakening #spiritualhealingmiami #spiritualhealingcentermiami #om #namaste
30 May 2017 A new podcast from Science Friday
When researchers publish a new study on chronic fatigue syndrome, a group of patients cry foul—and decide to investigate for themselves.
“I was feeling insecure you might not love me anymore.” ~John Lennon
After doing years and years of self-esteem work, I thought I was fairly well adjusted and secure. I thought I was fairly confident, self-assured, and not at all needy. But all that changed when I got into my recent relationship.
My subtle thought pattern of fear, distrust, projection, and unhappiness started creeping in. Again? Seriously? I thought I was past all that.
As it turns out my attachment disorder runs much deeper than I thought it did. What about yours? I mentioned attachment theory in one of my previous posts, but to elaborate…
Attachment theory was first developed by John Bowlby in the 1960’s. This is an evolutionary theory of attachment, which suggests that children come into the world biologically pre-programmed to form attachments with others (caregivers) because this allows them to survive, and the way in which you attach during childhood becomes the prototype for all future attachments.
Bowldy asserts that there are three fundamental types of attachments which include secure, avoidant, and anxious attachment.
If you are secure, you probably aren’t reading this. Someone who is securely attached had a parent who was fairly stable and secure in meeting their needs. Because of this, as they become adults they assume other adults will meet their needs, so they do not suffer from relationship anxiety.
Secure individuals tend to be happier and more content in their relationships because they are acting and reacting from a secure place, which allows each partner to move freely within the world. They’re able to offer support to their partners and are more open and honest in their interactions
If you are avoidant, you may or not be reading this because often those who avoid intimacy often avoid introspection. If you are avoidant, you keep people at a distance and believe that you don’t really need others to exist in the world. Those who are avoidantly attached had a parent who was not really attentive to their needs, so the child learned to just avoid seeking reassurance.
Avoidant individuals tend to emotionally distance themselves from a partner. They believe they are better off alone (even if in a relationship) and live in an internal world where their needs are most important. Even avoidant individuals need connection, but when their partner looks to them for comfort they turn of their feelings and fail to react.
However, if you are at all anxious or insecurely attached, like I am, you are probably going to read this and say, “A Ha!” and a light bulb may even go off over your head. If you are anxiously attached, then you feel anxiety when your partner is separated from you or you do not feel emotionally reassured by them.
Anxious attachment derives from a parent who was emotionally and/or physically unavailable, non-responsive, and/or possibly intrusive.
People with anxious attachment are desperate to form a bond, but don’t actually trust their partner to meet their needs, so when their partner fails assuage every emotion they have, they blame their partner or become jealous or critical. This often prompts their partner to distance themselves, thereby reinforcing their belief that they are not lovable.
Anxiously attached individuals continually seek external validation, as if still looking to that parent to soothe them and make them feel secure in the world. The problem with this is that it’s too much of burden for a romantic partner to carry and it isn’t their job.
I’m going to focus on Anxious Attachment and especially pre-occupied anxious attachment.
Let me ask this:
Are you pre-occupied with what you are or are not getting from your partner?
Are you self-critical?
Do you constantly seek approval and reassurance?
If your partner doesn’t react the way you think they should, do you blame or become upset?
Do you always anticipate your partner rejecting you, losing interesting, or abandoning you?
Do you continually worry and obsess and not really trust them? If so, this is you.
This is me.
I have known that I was anxious for a while now and I have known and read about attachment theory, but I never really understood the depths to which it had inhabited my life, my thoughts, and my behaviors. I can’t explain why, but suddenly it all became so clear.
I don’t recall my infant years, but I do recall that when I turned four or five my mom pretty much left me alone. I could walk and talk and feed myself. She had things to do. I started playing next door at the neighbor’s house. He had toys and games and a swing. He had a hopscotch and candy and wood-making tools. We played. He paid attention to me. He also molested me.
When I was eight or so, my mom went back to work and left my sister and me alone. A friend of the family started coming over while she was gone. He also molested me.
But what does the molestation have to do with the attachment, you ask? I never really got it until now. Being left alone and being ignored by someone who was supposed to care for me literally put me in physical and emotional danger.
So, every time I get into a romantic relationship and I start to feel ignored (whether imagined or real), I freak out. I start to get palpitations. My brain starts to flood with thoughts and emotions. I start seeking reassurance.
For years I learned to push the feelings down and to ignore them.
What I didn’t realize is that you can’t do that. There is a thing called “primal panic,” which sets in when you are anxiously attached and not getting your needs met. What I didn’t know or understand is that when I feel ignored, my brain goes into “fight or flight” mode in order to protect itself. My brain believes it’s going to be taken advantage again and my body starts reacting.
Although I can logically understand this is not true, my brain does not subconsciously know it to be true and reacts accordingly.
What this meant was that every infraction from my partner, every sense of injustice, every wrong step or every interpretation of a wrongdoing, no matter how slight, I met with a intolerability that I had no idea I was even imposing on my partner.
I would be so preoccupied with feeling better and getting them to make me feel better that I’d spend all my time and energy obsessing about how to get my needs met. And if they weren’t met properly, I would blame them and start to label them “untrustworthy.”
Think about it. If you haven’t heard from your partner in a day or so, do you automatically start thinking, “He/she doesn’t love me,” or “I knew he/she would do this,” or “I knew this would happen again”? Do you constantly think about what your partner isn’t giving you and what you aren’t getting?
Do you become calm and happy when your partner reassures you only to become anxious and insecure the minute you feel something is off or you feel you are being ignored or disrespected?
All of these things were (okay, sometimes still are) me in a nutshell.
The problem with all these feelings and behaviors is that they keep you from realizing true intimacy because you are living in fear and anxiety, and you may not even consciously realize it. You are still living as if you were a child who can be hurt by the outside world. But, guess what? You aren’t and you can’t.
Once I realized how this pattern was affecting my life, I knew I had to change it but I wasn’t sure how. I started doing some research. I read a few books including Insecure in Love.
One day I woke up and it had been two days since I had heard from my boyfriend. My body started going into panic mode. Where was he? Doesn’t he care? How can he do this? Maybe I should just leave him. My body and mind were going into panic mode. Anxiety set in. What should I do?
I tried some meditation but I couldn’t stop thinking and my heart wouldn’t stop racing. I decided to sit with the anxiety and think about why I was feeling anxious. What did I really feel? Why was I so anxious? Where was this coming from?
As I sat there and began to go deeper into the true meaning of my anxiety, I realized that I was literally feeling scared that someone would come hurt me. I was scared of being physically and emotionally alone and having no one there to rescue me. I realized that his ignoring me had triggered this subconscious belief that I’ve been holding onto that I never knew was there.
Then, I cried. I cried because I was scared. I was actually really petrified. Then, I told myself, “You’re okay. You will be okay. You are not there anymore. You are safe.” I cried and I reassured myself, and when I stopped and it was over the anxiety had lifted.
I had faced my fears. I had felt my pain and I had released it. I don’t think it will be gone forever, but it is gone for today and that is a good start.
I thought I had dealt with all of this anxiety and insecurity stuff. I thought it was gone and buried. I thought I had made inroads into my new relationship and that because I had attracted a seemingly secure individual, it meant I was all better. Surprise! Insecurity was still running my life.
But, once I realized this to be true I made a vow that I would do whatever it takes to beat this insecurity over the head and run it out of my life.
I realized that if I kept going the way I was I would eventually push every boyfriend out of my life, and that I would never find a partner I was happy and content with. The truth can hurt.
I also realized that I’m not a bad person. I’m not mean or insincere or ruthless. I’m scared. I have a biological response to a real experience. I learned this coping mechanism to help me survive and it did its job, but its time has come and it needs to retire.
If you are insecurely attached and seek constant external validation and approval to feel good about yourself, how long do you think your partner will put up with it? It isn’t their job to make you feel better about yourself. Yes, they can and should support you and be encouraging, but you have to learn to support and encourage yourself.
If you want to find true love you have to learn to love yourself, as cheesy as that sounds, and if you are anxiously attached you also have to learn to calm yourself, reassure yourself, and comfort yourself. The past is over and you cannot change it, but the future has not yet occurred.
Do you want to be your own worst enemy or your own best friend? You decide. I know my answer.
Carrie L. Burns is a blogger on a mission of self-discovery. As a sexual abuse survivor that struggled for years with depression anxiety, low self-esteem, lack of self-love, and relationship issues, she found her purpose through writing and sharing her story with others. Check out her other writing at www.acinglife.com.
Get in the conversation! Click here to leave a comment on the site.
The post Why You Feel Anxious In Relationships and How To Stop appeared first on Tiny Buddha.
The womb blessing and healing are integral part in our spiritual development as goddesses. Contact me for more info! #wombhealing #wombwisdom #wombblessing #wombwellnessmiami #wombblessingmiami #moonmothermiami #moonmother #miami #divinefeminine #divinefemininemiami #divinefemininerising #divinefeminineenergy #shakti #shaman #spiritual #sacralchakra #sacredfeminine #purplelotusspiritualhealing #priestess #spiritual #spiritualmiami #spiritualhealer #spiritualhealingmiami #spiritualgrowth #spiritualhealingcentermiami #wombwellnesswednesday #wombwellnesscentermiami #infertility #om #namaste
Blue Calcite enhances clairvoyance, intuition, mental telepathy and creativity. It aids dream recall, boosts flow of energy to the body to clear negativity and give pain relief.
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Meditation for little lightworkers. Every Wednesday! Helps with anxiety stress and aids in concentration! Contact me for more info! #lightworker #lifestylemiami #littlelightworker #indigochild #starchild #miami #miamilife #miamimeditation #meditation #meditationmiami #miamikids #spiritual #spirituality #spiritualmiami #spiritualhealingmiami #spiritualhealingcentermiami #spiritualdevelopment #spiritualawakening #priestess #purplelotusspiritualhealing #wellness #om #namaste
This is one of the handful of mantras I will be discussing tonight in my power of mantra workshop. Contact me to RSVP! #miami #mantra #miamilife #miamiyoga #yogi #yoga #yogini #yogamiami #yogajourney #yogateacher #limitless #manifestation #meditation #meditationmiami #miamihealing #miamimeditation #healing #light #lightworker #lifestylemiami #spiritual #spirituality #spiritualmiami #spiritualhealer #spiritualhealingmiami #spiriualhealingcentermiami #om #namaste
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Next week is the start of my third eye awakening workshop. Each week we will discuss various steps to aid you in your third eye awakening journey! Contact me for more info! #spiritualhealer #spiritualhealingmiami #spiritualhealingcentermiami #thirdeye #thirdeyeawakening #spiritual #spirituality #spiritualmiami #spiritualhealer #light #lightworker #lifestylemiami #meditation #meditationmiami #spiritualawakening #priestess #pinealglandactivation #purplelotusspiritualhealing #miami #miamilife #miamimeditation #om #namaste
Join me tonight for this amazing transformational workshop. We will learn mantras to help manifest abundance, change and mantras to align and heal our chakras. Contact me for more info! #yoga #yogi #yogini #yogamiami #yogajourney #me#spiritualhealer #spiritualhealingmiami #spiritualhealingcentermiami #meditation #meditationmiami #miami #miamilife #miamiyoga #spiritual #spirituality #spiritualmiami #spiritualhealer #light #lightworker #lifestylemiami #reiki #om #energyhealing #mantra #namaste
“Good bosses care about getting important things done. Exceptional bosses care about their people.” ~Jeff Haden
“I’ll need you to log your work down to the minute on this spreadsheet,” she said pointing to my computer where an elaborate timesheet was swallowing up my entire screen.
I looked up at her, confused—nope, more like utterly stunned. Was she for real? My body seemed to know before my mind that I’d just entered some sort of workplace twilight zone.
I had a sinking feeling in my gut, and it was sounding some sort of alarm deep in my chest, making my heart do somersaults. She was serious. Clearly the shock was holding my throat hostage because all I could muster was a single word…
“Okay,” I replied quietly, and off she went, oblivious to the impact her passive aggressive requests were having on me.
I had just returned to work from maternity leave, and with three children aged six and under at home, I needed some flexibility in my work schedule.
I was clocking in while it was still dark outside, long before anyone else so I could get home to my little ones with enough time for quality cuddles before tucking them in for the night.
I was trying to achieve motherhood level 100 while still trying to conquer my career. Did I mention I was also pursuing my second master’s degree? Yes, I was on a mission to prove that I could still do it all.
Of course, I knew “doing it all” was the age-old battle of every modern woman trying to be equal parts supermum and Sheryl Sandberg, but despite my husband’s very real concerns, I was doing it all.
In fact, I was working harder, longer, and smarter than most people in my department because, like most mothers returning to work, I had that unshakable guilt inside telling me that I had to prove I was bringing my very best and not taking advantage of my “mum status.”
So when my new line manager insisted on tracking my every move, decision, and waking moment I was utterly confused. I mean, there I was, delivering the project deliverables and meeting each and every deadline, and her biggest worry was that she wasn’t squeezing every possible work minute out of me?
So, I did what so many of us do to prove our value to a superior: I went above and beyond to show her I was worthy of my pay no matter what it took. But the more I gave, the more she pushed, until finally, late one night, after yet another night of venting to my poor, put-upon husband, I found myself sprawled out on my living room floor, no longer able to hold back the tears.
I was broken like a shattered glass. I realized that I had allowed her constant micromanaging to bring me to the brink, and that no matter what I did, she was never going to stop.
My health was suffering. My relationships were suffering. I was suffering. I went from optimistic, happy, and loving my job to moody, stressed, and miserable. I dreaded going into this space where I never felt good enough.
Work had begun to feel like a torture chamber. A place where the person charged with helping me succeed at my job was slowly but methodically chipping away at my confidence, and it was spilling over into my personal life.
I finally accepted the reality: I had allowed her actions to steal my joy, and it was breaking my heart with every passing day. I felt so defeated.
It became very clear to me that she didn’t seem to trust me, and seemed to like me even less. I was at a loss for what to do, but I knew that I couldn’t survive in this environment for much longer, so I had to figure something out.
I went on a mission to remove the poison that had engulfed my workplace experience and bring the light back into my life. Because the truth was that in that moment I couldn’t leave my job. For now, at least, I had to deal with her and I had to find a way to cope, no matter what.
So I went on a journey to figure out what I could do to honor myself and my happiness, because as far as I was concerned, suffering was completely optional.
I had a family that needed me to get back to the old me. And frankly, I needed that too. I needed to survive my unreasonable boss. I’m guessing if you’re reading this, you have your own unreasonable boss whose overwhelming negative energy is causing problems in your life.
I’m here to share with you the eight tools I used to get through one of the hardest times in my life so you can conquer your own “horrible boss.”
Dealing with an unreasonable boss sometimes takes an army, or in my case a community, to survive.
The truth is with any toxic relationship, whether it’s your boss or someone else, you go through a period of wondering, “Wait, am I just absolutely crazy that I feel this way? Is it all in my head? Am I silly for letting this mess with my emotions?”
I needed someone to give me perspective. Someone safe who would give me the space to explore, without judgment, what I was feeling–an objective observer who could reflect back to me what I was really experiencing.
What’s interesting is that even when you feel all alone, you’ll often find that you’re still surrounded by amazing people willing to help you weather the storm. I found that safety net in friends, family, and colleagues, in and outside of work, who were all willing to lend an ear.
They were quite incredible really, offering advice and helping me figure out where things may have gone wrong. They allowed me to express my anger, frustration, and even let me cry. More than anything, though, they were objective and honest with me, gently leading me toward making the right moves for dealing with my boss.
In their own unique ways, all of these people were empathetic and supportive. They were the break in the ocean keeping these waves of intensity from knocking me out cold.
If you are at a loss for whom to turn toward, though, you can always turn inward. Journal about what you’re experiencing. Journaling often allows us to work through our issues on the page. And, of course, there are always tons of wonderful mental health professionals who can help give you a safe space to talk.
Being in a workplace with such high-pressure demands meant I was under a lot of stress. Sadly, there were days that I found myself bringing my boss’s energy home with me. The conflicts of the day ran wild through my mind, and the fear of not meeting my boss’s demands left me in constant flight or fight mode.
My anxiety was high. I knew that I needed to create rituals that would help me break away from work and make my free time mine again. Because here’s the thing: Our wind-down time is when our minds and bodies recalibrate and restore, which is especially important when you’ve spent eight hours in a toxic work environment.
In fact, I came to think of relaxing as a part of my job like meeting a deadline or completing a daily task. Because relaxation can do so much for honoring your health, including lowering blood pressure and heart rate, reducing anxiety, and improving mild depression.
For me, a long warm bath was my me-time. But relaxation can come in so many forms: reading, yoga, a brisk walk, listening to your favorite Adele tune, watching a hilarious comedy, meditation, mindfulness, T’ai Chi, Chi Kung, or even spending time laughing with loved ones.
Whatever it is, make it a big part of your self-care routine, and you’ll start to preserve your sanity in the midst of your workplace chaos.
While I was dealing with my manager, there was one thing that helped me release all of the extra adrenaline I had running through my body: running. Throwing on my sneakers and hitting a long path lined with big, beautiful trees was one of my favorite things to do. Not only was it another form of relaxing me-time, it released the endorphins that I was desperately in need of at this time.
Endorphins are feel-good hormones, released through physical activity, that elevate our moods. Hacking into your happy chemicals with exercise is an incredible way to combat a stressful work environment.
Physical activity can be any number of things: dancing, trampoline jumping, cycling, baseball, skateboarding, or just simply going for a run. If you can find a community to do this with, like a team or running group, even better!
It’s true that the little things remind us how insignificant some of the tougher things in our lives are.
Have you ever stared out at the stars on a quiet night and for a brief moment remembered how truly tiny you are in this great big universe? It’s in those moments that we’re reminded that the harmful energy of one bad boss, in the grand scheme of things, is really insignificant.
We realize that it’s only a blip in our long lives on this earth, and that knowledge and perspective brought me peace.
Finding these types of moments in our lives is so crucial. It can be found in so many unexpected places and moments. For me, I found it with my loved ones—my wonderful husband, six-year-old giggly daughter, four-year-old full-of-beans son, and two-year-old love-bug baby girl. They all kept me busy and grounded and reminded me that work was such a small part of this amazing life I was leading.
There were other parts of my life that deserved my attention and energy as well, and that reminder helped me re-center over and over again.
There are so many things that can bring these awe-inspiring moments fully into focus during a difficult work phase in your life: volunteering with those less fortunate; creative outlets like painting, sewing, or cooking, camping; or any activity that brings you into nature. These are not only distractions from a difficult work environment, but also reminders that life is fun, beautiful, and worthy of your attention.
Dealing with a passive-aggressive, micro-managing boss meant not only dealing with a lot of stress, but also with tons of anxiety. And with lots of anxiety, sometimes my automatic reaction was to self-soothe with Ben & Jerry’s.
Yes, I know we’ve all been there, that point of utter disappointment where all we can think to do is dive headfirst into the cookie jar.
This is where being a health professional helps. I knew using food to manage my stress and deal with my emotional issues would be a slippery slope. On top of that, foods like ice cream and cookies would only make my plummeting moods worse.
Here’s the thing: a sugary snack or baked goodie will send your blood sugar on a wild rollercoaster, which will further negatively affect your stress, anxiety, and depression. I was already dealing with one mood-enhancing rollercoaster (my boss!) I didn’t need to make things worse with my diet.
I made a plan to eat in a way that supported my stress relief by eating foods that kept my blood sugar on an even keel. I incorporated whole grain products like brown rice, protein, and berries, and avoided stimulants like caffeine, alcohol, and nicotine, which could make mood swings worse.
I also increased my omega-3 intake, which has been proven to reduce feelings of sadness, pessimism, indifference, sleeplessness, and low libido. You can find omega-3s in some pretty yummy foods like seafood, walnuts, flaxseed, and leafy green vegetables.
With three kids, and a fourth in the form of a grouchy boss, I spent many sleepless nights stressed out. My mind would be constantly racing. The more I lost sleep, the worse things would be for me the next day.
I grew more and more irritable and angry, and was just plain exhausted, which meant going to work the next morning to face my boss was getting more difficult.
Lack of sleep meant my filters were down, and my ability to balance my mood was completely compromised. Basically, no sleep = falling into a spiral of self-loathing even at the smallest criticism from a difficult boss.
“Switching off” the stress to get a good night’s sleep can be difficult, but making it a priority can make the difference between a good day or a bad day at work.
A few things that help include trying to keep a regular sleep cycle (sleeping and waking at the same time every day) and avoiding stimulating activities before bed like TV, tablets, computers, or phones. The light given off by these devices suppress melatonin, which supports sleep.
You can also include a night-time routine that helps you get into a relaxed state, like an end of day warm bath, a massage from your partner, aromatherapy, or a night-time meditation that lets you release tension.
When we’re in a difficult circumstance like I was with my boss, we can spend a lot of time in our heads trying to figure it all out. I would always wonder, “Did I do something to cause this? Could I have done something differently?”
The reality was that I could keep spinning my wheels trying to figure it out, but not everything was in my control. I learned to take a step back, reflect, and objectively look at the situation. I identified the real stressors I was facing, and then I went about the business of figuring out what was in my control and what wasn’t.
What wasn’t in my control I accepted and tried my best to let go of, but what was in my control I approached head on.
I looked at whether or not my coping strategies were effective and whether any strategies from past experiences could be modified to fit this situation. I also kept a close eye on my self-talk. It’s so incredibly easy to fall into negative self-talk, but I made it my mission to be kind to myself. I gave myself plenty of positive pep talks and pats on the back for any small victory. Make sure that you are doing the same to help combat stressful situations.
Ultimately, your happiness and health should always at the top of your priority list. If you can’t deal with the situation with your difficult boss using any of the above, then it’s time to deal with the problem in the healthiest way possible.
In my case, I did everything I could to remedy the situation on my own, by explaining to my boss the impact her behavior was having on me and by going through grievance channels at work, which meant mediation with my boss through Human Resources, for example. But in the end, I knew that staying in the situation was causing too much harm.
When the opportunity came up to take voluntary redundancy, I jumped at it, and I spent some time with my family while I figured out my next steps. Building an exit strategy that puts you first is always something to applaud. Sometimes, the healthiest thing we can do for ourselves doesn’t look like the most practical, but it’ll save us years of heartache, stress, and ultimately, bad health.
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These eight strategies helped me move through a toxic environment with a little more ease. What I came to find out, though, was that my boss was dealing with some of her own stress that she was bringing to the workplace. She was projecting her personal problems onto me, the mother with three children who seemed to “have it all.”
She was roping me into carrying the burden of her issues in these micro-aggressions of control she was laying on me. Because of this, the truth is, I was never going to win her over, and I’d venture to guess that whatever is pushing your boss to keep you down is something you may never be able to fix either. Just remember that you are not required to carry someone else’s baggage.
Your health matters, which is why I hope these tips help you find peace and health on your journey.
Leah de Souza-Thomas BSc MSc MPH is a health and wellness specialist who supports people to move back from the brink of a health crisis. She does this by implementing research backed strategies and techniques that deliver instinctive, effortless, and permanent lifestyle change and as a result improved health. Download Leah’s “5 Easy Ways to Prevent Your Next Health Crisis" here.
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The post Unreasonable Boss? 8 Ways to Honor Yourself in a Toxic Workplace appeared first on Tiny Buddha.
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“Our way to practice is one step at a time, one breath at a time.” ~Shunryu Suzuki
Sitting meditation has always been challenging for me; practicing mindfulness, even harder.
As a self-confessed worrywart who has contended with constant ruminations, flashbacks, and nightmares for most of my life (more on this later), all prior attempts at being fully present and not thinking merely served as reminders of how little control I had over my mind. Then I took up hiking and stumbled upon a form of meditation that literally transformed my life.
Initially, just being out in nature on scenic trails cultivated calmness and cleared my head. Almost immediately, I realized that hiking provided a respite from intrusive thoughts that have plagued me since I was a tyke.
They include flashbacks of my mother’s numerous suicide attempts in our decrepit Chinatown apartment, my father’s drunken rages, and recurring images of shootings, savage beatings, and other gory crime scenes from my gangbanging days.
Ruminations include the sound of gunfire along with the replaying in my head of toxic utterances in Cantonese that translate to “Giving birth to you was my biggest mistake,” “I wish you were never born,” and my own father yelling “You bastard!”
Somehow, walking in nature enabled my mind to slow down and rest, which felt liberating.
Unfortunately, the novelty soon wore out. Merely walking and hiking wasn’t enough to prevent symptoms associated with post-traumatic stress from returning. I reverted to rehashing the past and worrying obsessively about the future.
However, I had gotten a taste of the benefits of mindfulness meditation and discovered that it can be practiced while engaging in an activity I enjoyed. These revelations motivated me to keep at it.
After reading what was available on walking meditation, which typically advise focusing on the flow of our “in” and “out” breaths, I developed my own techniques for practicing mindful walking and hiking.
My favorite is to look ahead and select a destination point or object and stay focused on it. It can be a shadow on the ground, boulder, bush, tree, manhole cover, light pole, store awning, mailbox, and so on. Once I reached it, I chose another landmark or object, usually a little further away.
Rough or uneven trails forced me to concentrate on each step for safety reasons. My brain automatically blocked out discursive thoughts; otherwise I could slip, trip, or fall. Other techniques I came up with include fully feeling the ground of each step, following the flight pattern of birds and insects, observing cloud patterns, and being conscious of sounds and scents—moment to moment.
Zen monk Thich Nhat Hanh, often called “Thay,” which means “teacher” in Vietnamese, is revered throughout the world for his teachings and writings on mindfulness and peace.
He has brought the practice into institutions, including maximum-security prisons, helping inmates attain calmness and inner peace while being confined up to twenty-four hours daily. Many of them have professed that mindfulness meditation is the most difficult endeavor they have ever engaged in.
We live in a culture where many of us want quick results with as little effort as possible. This applies to how we approach our work, health, pastimes, social interactions, and problems. This mindset is the antithesis of mindfulness.
In my opinion, it is virtually impossible to tackle mindfulness meditation without patience and discipline. Fortunately, these attributes can be enhanced by engaging in the art itself.
When I started mindful walking and hiking, my ability to stay present was measured in feet and seconds.
As a highly competitive, emotionally undisciplined, and impatient person, I could have easily succumbed to my frustrations and given up. But the short periods of calmness and inner peace I attained—supplemented by my stubbornness—provided the necessary resolve for me to stick with the program.
As I continued my mindfulness “training,” catching my mind when it wandered occurred sooner, and the ability to refocus took less effort. Using kind, positive messages such as “rest” and “focus” was more effective than phrases such as “don’t wander” and “don’t think.”
Insight and mindfulness meditation are usually practiced separately. Personally, when I am procrastinating about something or seeking a solution to a problem, ideas and answers usually emerge effortlessly during or immediately following my walks and hikes.
These epiphanies and aha moments tend to be inspired by kindness and compassion, as opposed to ego.
I was severely beaten by a rival gang member as a teen. For over forty years, I suffered nightmares, flashbacks, and ruminations of the attack. Both conventional and unconventional modalities of therapy failed to provide much relief.
One morning, I was enjoying a relaxing hike when the familiar image of my attacker suddenly appeared. For the very first time, I remained calm and found myself viewing my lifelong enemy as a kindred spirit. I saw him as someone like me, most likely abused as a child, who desperately sought empowerment by joining gangs.
This awakening, along with my spiritual practice, enabled me to cultivate compassion and forgiveness. The nightmares and flashes of the attack ceased at that point and have not returned.
Mindfulness can be practiced pretty much anywhere and at any time. I do it first thing in the morning when I wake up while still lying in bed, in the kitchen, in the shower, at my desk, and most recently while getting dental work done.
Whether I devote a few seconds by pausing and taking a deep belly breath—or hiking for several hours—benefits are reaped.
As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, practicing mindfulness has transformed my life. With a family history of mental illness and a violent upbringing, I have been diagnosed and treated for multiple mood disorders, including manic depression, post-traumatic stress, addiction, and rage.
My mindfulness practice has empowered me to rest and calm my mind, as well as intercept and suppress negative thoughts. It serves as a powerful coping mechanism for me.
For the majority of my life, I was at the mercy of gambling urges and other cravings. When I encounter them now, I pause, acknowledge what is happening, take a few deep breaths, focus on my surroundings, and allow the urges to pass.
Staying relaxed enables me to respond instead of react, which places me in a better position to reflect and gain insight into the underlying issues that triggered the desire to self-medicate.
My mood is much more stable and I have better control of my emotions. The benefits I received from mindful walking and hiking has inspired me to practice it throughout the day.
I used to loathe driving because of my road rage. I was terrified of myself, often wondering when I left the house if I would end up in jail or the morgue. My level of stress rose in proportion to the amount of traffic I encountered.
Practicing mindfulness meditation in the car keeps me mellow as well as alert. I have become a patient and compassionate driver, smiling at other motorists and limiting use of the horn for safety purposes. Another insight I gained is that my past aggressive behavior on and off the road attracted like-minded people.
The mental discipline I gained also enabled me to embrace Buddhism, which has interested, yet eluded me for many years. All of this empowers me to attain and maintain equanimity. Now, I can even sit and meditate for long periods without feeling restless or irritable.
So for those who find sitting meditation challenging, or for individuals seeking different ways to practice mindfulness, I recommend mindful walking and hiking.
Not only is it a fun way to quiet the mind while getting some exercise, but it can be life-changing—helping us let go of worries, stress, tension, and even the most painful memories from the past.
Hiking man image via Shutterstock
Bill Lee is a second-generation Chinese American who grew up in the Chinese underworld. He is the author of three memoirs. In his new book, Born-Again Buddhist: My Path to Living Mindfully and Compassionately with Mood Disorders, he describes in detail the positive impact that mindful walking and hiking has made in his life. Visit http://ift.tt/1zImPqR.
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